That’s the trouble with Sci Fi
by PinkFairy727
Summary: Why Jack shouldn't be allowed to watch Star Wars. Written for the Jantolution Fluff Ewok challenge


**Authors Notes: This is for the Jantolution Challenge #10 over at Livejournal. **

**Alas, I don't own Torchwood**

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**That's the trouble with Sci-Fi**

"OW! What the Hell was that for?" Owen asked, rubbing the back of his head.

Ianto had appeared from Jack's office and had smacked Owen with a pile of expenses reports.

Tosh and Gwen both looked up from their coffees at the noise, watching the ongoing altercation with amusement.

"Did you, or did you not, give Jack those Star Wars DVD's?" Ianto questioned.

"Yeah, so what? I still don't see why you assaulted me with those folders," Owen was still rubbing the back of his head where Ianto had hit him.

"I mean, come on, the man hadn't seen Star Wars. Who hasn't seen Star Wars? Just what are you so upset about? Darth Vader isn't actually real, he can't hurt you."

"Jack's spent most of the morning trying to find out how much it would cost to turn that room under his office into Jabba the Hutt's lair for twenty-four hours!"

Ianto made no reactions to the teams shocked snorts into their coffee, except to hand Tosh a tissue once she had finished coughing, still glaring at Owen.

"Are you serious?" Gwen spluttered; Ianto nodded before taking a sip of his own coffee.

"Fortunately, it's a bit out of his budget and even Jack would be struggling to find a good enough excuse to file this as an expenses claim. I took the merchandise catalogue off him though, just in case."

"I still don't see the problem," Owen said with disbelief, eyeing up the Star Wars catalogue Ianto was waving, "You can't tell me bondage isn't your thing. Not after what I caught you two doing in Jack's office last week. Which, by the way, I'm still having nightmares about." Ianto shook his head, "That's not the problem, I'm just sick of telling him that there is no way I'm dressing up as Princess Leia. Jack would look much better in that bikini-skirt thing."

"Are you trying to give Tosh a heart attack?" Owen asked, as Ianto handed Tosh the box of tissues- she'd almost spat her coffee across her workstation this time.

"Not intentionally. Sorry Tosh."

"Don't – _cough_ – don't mention it."

"Want me to talk about something else?"

"No!" Gwen blushed slightly as everybody turned towards her, "No. It's not very often you talk about you and Jack outside of work. It's nice to have somebody to gossip about. Not as if Owen does anything interesting."

"Oi! You're only saying that so we stop gossiping about you and Rhys," Owen pointed out.

Gwen shrugged, "Good an excuse as any."

Tosh laughed, attempting her coffee again.

"Yeah, well, you might not be so keen to gossip about them if you saw what they actually get up to after hours. It's not all watching, completely inaccurate I might add, sci-fi movies. Jack is one kinky bastard."

Ianto interrupted Owen, "Ok. One – have you been watching on the CCTV footage again? Because if you have I _will _send those videos of you singing to Janet to Gwen and Tosh."

The girls looked intrigued at this statement, Owen, not for the first time, looked like he would quite happily shoot Ianto.

"Two – who said the things we do, are always Jack's idea? And three – they have seen what Jack and I get up to after hours. You're not the only one who's come back to the Hub when we weren't expecting you," Ianto paused to take a sip of his coffee.

"They're just not as big a gossip as you are."

Owen looked at the girls with a look of mild indignation while Ianto returned his attention to his coffee. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Gwen shrugged her shoulders and Tosh looked straight back at Owen, "It's none of our business what they get up to. Besides, I think they're cute together." Tosh grinned at Ianto who grinned back.

Owen rolled his eyes.

"You know Owen, anybody would think you were jealous," Gwen commented and was greeted by a string of expletives from the doctor telling her, in graphic detail, exactly what she could do with that suggestion.

"You can have your DVD's back by the way, Owen," Ianto mentioned at the first break in Owen's rant.

"What? You've watched all six?!"

"Correction, Jack watched all six. He stayed up until three in the morning and watched them all back to back. I fell asleep in the middle of Return of the Jedi.

"The last thing I remember was Jack talking about an ex-boyfriend who had adopted an Ewok, which apparently are really vicious creatures that should be kept on a short leash at all times- he made several comments about George Lucas during the whole thing- and I woke up to him debating the pros and cons of giving us all light-sabres."

Ianto did not like the look of manic delight that filled Owen's face at the prospect of receiving a light-sabre, so he quickly shot the idea down, telling Owen all he'd had to do was remind Jack of all the damage Owen had caused the last time he'd been allowed to experiment with alien weaponry.

Ianto hadn't been impressed after he had to spend over an hour persuading the insurance company that there hadn't been a mistake when he'd filled in the cause of damage box with light-sabre. Nor had he been impressed when he'd had to retcon said insurance company official who had arrived to see if he was being serious.

Gwen was grinning, "How did he take you falling asleep on him?"

"He didn't mention it. He said he hadn't noticed, but when I woke up all the dishes had been put in the dishwasher and I was wrapped in a quilt.

"When I asked him about it he said a racoon had come in and done everything, but he hadn't wanted to wake me up." Owen snorted again, while Tosh and Gwen both started to giggle.

"Incidentally, Tosh, we've finished that last series of Friends. Your DVD's are in Jack's office, I'll go get them."

Ianto rose before draining the last of his coffee and heading back up to Jack's office.

The girls were still giggling at the idea of a domesticated Jack when Owen announced that he could just see Jack, standing in a 1950's kitchen, with marigold gloves on, shouting, "Ianto, sweetie, dinner will be ready shortly." They broke into full on belly laughs, tears streaming down their faces.

However, their visions of a sweet and innocent Jack were short lived, they were brought back to reality by Ianto's voice, which could be heard ringing down from Jack's office.

"JACK! PUT THE CREDIT CARD DOWN!"

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